


Live & Love

by prompto



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, It's someone else from the main cast that dies, M/M, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 23:17:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3096218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prompto/pseuds/prompto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yosuke is at a loss of how to deal with his best friend passing away. Somehow, he meets Souji who ends up being just what he needs though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Live & Love

**Author's Note:**

> This story means a lot to me.
> 
> This was my way of dealing with one of my best friends passing away at the end of December last year. I started having this idea after New Years, and I figured this might be a good way for me to start to find some sort of closure on the situation.
> 
> These are all my feelings in Yosuke’s point of view. The New Years event also did happen to me. Of course, a lot of this was altered given it’s meant to be a souyo fic, but this story will always have a special place in my heart since it’s in memory of one of my best friends.
> 
> Lesia, I love you and will always hold you close to my heart.

It had been two weeks since he got the news.

 The fact that one of his best friends was gone wasn’t something he had easily accepted. In fact, he was still in the process of accepting any part of it.

 The reflexive reaction of denial was fast upon him, and despite the various events around him that were stating this was a _very_ real thing that had happened- he just couldn’t bring himself to take that step towards some sort of closure.

The New Year was coming up fast. The clock ticking closer to midnight, and yet it seemed like the harsh reality of what had happened was starting to loom in his mind once again. One of his best friends was dead, and she was _never_ coming back.

The realness of it all was made clear once it was midnight. A new year had started, and now she was being left behind in the year before. It hurt too much. He had to get away.

Leaving the area, he stood outside of the house. The sounds of happiness and festive spirits filled the background, and yet he couldn’t do anything but stare up at the sky and wonder why.

“Dammit Chie, I miss you so much.” Trying not to completely break down where anyone could still easily walk out and see him, Yosuke turned his back to the house while letting a few tears fall.

The fact that he had to now think of his friend dying last year seemed surreal. It was still hard to accept, hard to grasp on the reality that kept slapping him in the fact every time he turned around. The rest of his friends were seemingly fine in their own ways, but it was already difficult enough to portray such a falsity when the death had been so sudden to begin with.

His phone ringing snapped him back to reality for a moment. Seeing it was Kanji, he answered it to hastily brush him off.

“Hey dude, where are you? It’s getting crazy in here!”

“I’m just- had to take a call. I’m probably going to have to leave soon.”

Kanji paused to yell something to someone in the background. “You okay? Need me to come find you?”

“No I’m fine. I’m just tired you know, been a long day.”

“Guess so. Throw me a text if you leave and when you get home, all right?”

“Yeah will do.” He shoved his phone back into his pocket just as a fresh wave of tears was threatening to break free. Any time someone asked if he was okay lately, he just wanted to scream out that no he clearly wasn’t. His best friend was dead, and he hadn’t even been able to say goodbye or-

With a shaky hand, he went to pull out his car keys. Just as he walked by the driveway outside of the house, a hand on his arm stopped him.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Once again the question was poised to him. Looking up, he met grey eyes that were full of concern and seemed to only be focusing on him and nothing else.

“I’m fine. Just have to leave now.” He jumbled together a response as best as he could. Being caught off-guard, Yosuke knew he had to turn away or else he’d completely break down in front of this person.

“Are you sure? Do you need me to take you home?”

“No I’m- I’m _fine_.” Yosuke shook his head, turning away quickly to head to his car as a few more tears fell.

Finally getting to his car to drive off in quite a hurry, it was as he approached the last stoplight near his apartment that he rested his head on the steering wheel. ‘I’m fine’ was becoming his addictive catch phrase. The aching pain in his heart and his tired mind told him he was far from it though.

It scared him that he had no idea when he’d really be okay again.

The following morning, he woke up past noon and to a few messages on his phone from an unknown number.

Flicking through the words of concern, for some reason he felt a strange twinge of curiosity.

_Hey Yosuke, how are you feeling today?_

Yosuke quickly typed out a reply.

**_Sorry who is this?_ **

Getting up long enough to brush his teeth and wash his face, he heard the faint buzzing of a new message once he returned to his bedroom.

_This is Souji. I saw you last night as you were leaving. Kanji gave me your number; I was a little worried since you ran off so fast._

Yosuke bit the inside of his cheek. So Kanji had given out his number that easily huh? Normally he would’ve been upset, but given he recalled talking to someone with grey eyes and matching hair a few times that night he’d let it slide. At least the guy was an acquaintance sort of.

**_I remember you now. Sorry about that, I’m just having a rough time lately._ **

Looking over the message after he had already hit send, it was weird to him that he was willing to be so open with someone he had only exchanged minor bits of conversation with.

_Do you need someone to talk to? I know it might be a little weird since you hardly know me, but sometimes talking to a stranger makes it easier to open up about certain things._

Feeling a slight flutter in his stomach, he read the words over and over again. So the guy was pretty easy-going from what he could tell. He was willing to listen to his problem, and thinking back on how worried he looked told Yosuke that for some reason he could probably trust him.

Not to mention he was _kind of_ cute. Okay so he might have to thank Kanji for this later on. Yosuke was still in his newer stages of exploring his bisexuality, and he’d only gone out with a few guys so far. But…this Souji might be someone he could give a genuine chance to.

**_Yeah sure. I guess I should start trying to really talk about it anyway._ **

_Do you want to meet somewhere? I know a great coffee shop that is a pretty good place to have a conversation._

**_I can do that. Give me the details, and I can meet you there in an hour?_ **

Getting ready to go out had been a little bit of a haze for Yosuke. He hadn’t purposefully gone out all that much in the past few weeks given his mind had been too preoccupied with thoughts.

Thoughts of life and death—too many questions as to what happened to anyone after they died. He could only hope in some sort of afterlife, hoping that his friend was really in peace in that moment.

Approaching the coffee shop, he heard the tiny bell ring to signal his entrance. He’d only taken two steps inside when he heard a familiar voice to his left.

“Hey Yosuke, over here.” Souji flagged him down, a smile forming on his face.

Yosuke tried to ignore the strange way his heart fluttered.

“Hey, you got here fast.”

“Well I live just around the corner.” He stood up from the table he sat at before pointing to the counter. “Do you want to get something? I was waiting for you before getting anything.”

The two headed over to order their drinks, making idle conversation about the coffee shop and how Souji had stumbled upon it shortly after moving into the area a year beforehand. Once they were seated in the booth, Yosuke blew some on his coffee before taking his first sip.

“So…”

“Hm?” Souji tilted his head while looking at Yosuke curiously.

“For some reason I feel really comfortable around you, and I’m just going to come right out and tell you what was bothering me last night.”

Souji nodded while listening closely. Most people tended to feel comfortable around him very easily. Supposedly it was one of his many gifts.

“Go on.”

Yosuke sighed heavily while running his fingertips along the warm surface of the mug.

“It was two weeks ago. I’d been hanging out with my friend, Kanji, who I know you already know.”

Souji nodded. Yosuke continued.

“Anyways, we were just about to head out for lunch when I got a call from my friend Yukiko. All of us went to high school together, so we’ve been close friends for a long time.”

Yosuke breathed in again slowly, trying to find the right words.

“She told me that Chie, who was one of my best friends- that she had passed away the night before.” His hands shook somewhat, lifting the spoon he dipped it into the coffee to stir it again as a means of steadying himself.

“I didn’t know what to say at first, I was just so shocked. I didn’t think it was real, you know? And as Yukiko told me what happened, I just kind of broke down.”

“It still gets to me. Sometimes I’m okay if I’m distracted for a while, but there are times where I remember or I think to myself- I’ll never get to do this with Chie again or she’ll never get to do this again or I remember that she loved to do this too. It’s just hard when that happens, and I try not to lose it but half the time I do.”

“Like last night.” Souji added and Yosuke nodded.

“Last night, everyone was so happy, and I just kept thinking how can anyone be happy when someone you love and care about so much has just died? Chie didn’t make it to the New Year, and she won’t ever get to celebrate any of these things again.”

Souji processed the words, taking a sip of his own coffee but still keeping his eyes on Yosuke the entire time.

“That’s a lot to deal with, especially around the holidays.”

Yosuke remained silent for a few minutes, trying to remember to just breathe so he didn’t start crying in the middle of the coffee shop. How embarrassing would that be?

“I’m going to tell you a few generic things first, things that I’m sure others have already told you. She was your best friend, so I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be so sad. Also, she is in a better place now, and I’m sure she’s watching over you and all your friends.”

Souji shifted forward enough to lean across the table and place his hand on top of Yosuke’s own.

“In actuality, it’s going to be hard. It’s a process, one where you just have to find a way to bite back the tears sometimes and keep on living. Everything you do though, you can remember her and remember the good memories you had together. You have to focus on the fact that you were fortunate enough to have met her at all, and that she was able to be such a good friend to you.”

Yosuke turned his gaze from Souji’s eyes down to how their hands were touching.

Souji smiled before withdrawing his hand away. “Everyone has different ways of coping with loss. Some people keep busy; others tend to do something in honor of the person they’ve lost. Do you have anything that usually makes you happy that you think might help?”

“I started traveling more in the past year. In fact, Chie and I were supposed to go to the states sometime soon, but now…”

“Well, maybe you can go with someone else? I think it would be a good idea to still go in her honor. See the things that you both would’ve seen together. I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”

Yosuke smiled sadly down at his coffee. “Yeah…you’re right. I guess I’d have to figure out who would want to go though. Most of my friends are busy with college or working more than one job.”

“This might be a little forward, but I wouldn’t mind going with you. I have some relatives overseas that I need to visit anyways.”

Yosuke perked up some. “Really? That’d be so cool!”

* * *

 

The first few months of the year were comprised of Yosuke working a steady job to where he could save enough money for the trip. He’d still managed to swing a few extra dollars here and there by working some holidays, so that helped him to where he could take a few side trips in the area too.

Just as the dreaded weekend of Valentine’s Day approached, Yosuke found himself torn between being dragged on a double date with some random girl Kanji had insisted he meet up with or trying to escape town completely for a few days.

Luckily, Souji had called him over for dinner so he could at least escape the double date.

“Hey, you’re right on time.” Souji invited Yosuke in and the aroma of something delicious instantly hit his senses.

“Mmmm…you’re making me something amazing again aren’t you?” Yosuke grinned while dropping his messenger bag on the floor near the couch.

“Well it is Valentine’s Day so I figured I should at least treat you nice.”

“Pffft..you make it sound like this is meant to be a romantic dinner or something.”

Souji shrugged while pouring a few glasses of wine for them.

“Oh god dude are you seriously trying to seduce me?”

Souji chuckled while handing a glass to Yosuke. “Only if you want me to.”

Yosuke looked away to hide the red that tinted his cheeks. “Stop joking around.” He moved over to the stereo nearby to start playing some music and to also change the subject. “Anyways, what are you doing this weekend?”

“This weekend? Well I’m always off on weekends, and I don’t think I have plans with anyone so I’m free?” Souji turned back to the oven to pull out the chicken that had been baking.

“I was thinking of maybe skipping town for a few days. I heard there’s this new club that’s supposedly one of the best in Japan.”

“You and your clubs.” Souji shook his head while dividing the food on the plates.

“Come on, you’ll come with me right?” Yosuke was practically begging and giving puppy-dog eyes.

“I can’t say no to you.” Souji smiled at him while setting their food on the counter nearby.

* * *

 

That Saturday night, they did go to the club and it was definitely something to brag about.

At half past two in the morning, the two were leaning against one another for mutual support while heading back to the hotel.

It wasn’t until they got back to their room and Yosuke was on the balcony overlooking the city that his suppressed thoughts began to sink in again.

“It’s really nice here.” Souji walked out onto the balcony, standing near Yosuke who was hunched against the railing.

“Yeah it is…” Brown eyes took in the lights, hearing the sounds of people below and all around. So much life and yet… “Can I tell you something?”

“You know you can tell me anything Yosuke.”

Yosuke didn’t hesitate as he spoke.

“I don’t think about Chie as much as before. I guess time is healing me in that respect but…the concept of death has really been bothering me lately.”

He exhaled an uneasy breath, gripping onto the railing a little more.

“It scares me. What if…what if I die soon too? I mean she hardly even got to really start living her life yet, didn’t even get to get married or see all the things she wanted to see. I get so paranoid sometimes any time I go out now, thinking to myself- is this going to be the last thing I do?”

“There’s nothing wrong with thinking about death and all the aspects that come with it. You just can’t become obsessed with it though.”

Yosuke lowered his gaze while hearing Souji continue.

“I think about it sometimes too. But you know, in all honesty no one knows when it’s going to be their time. So for me, I just make the most of every moment that I can. Living life to the fullest seems almost cliché to say, but that’s just how you have to go about living if you really want to feel alive.”

“Cherish everyone, show your appreciation, and never be afraid to open yourself up to greater things.”

Souji being the saint he was seemed to always have an answer for everything.

“Thanks partner.” Yosuke felt a sense of relief as he took in those words. A hand on his shoulder made him feel that sense of appreciation that was just referenced.

“Heh, that’s new.”

“Partner? I think it fits well…in some weird way.”

“Yeah I think so too.” Souji smiled and tugged on Yosuke’s arm to drag him back inside for one more drink.

* * *

 

It was nearing summer whenever the trip was starting to be finalized. They were to fly over at the end of June, and all that was left was arranging a rental car once they arrived. 

Yosuke was more than ecstatic. He was so grateful to have Souji come along with him, not to mention to just have him around in the past six months since well… 

Looking at his phone, he distracted himself from letting his thoughts go down a bad road.

Things were easier than before. It wasn’t always easy, especially the nights he was alone and had too much time to think. But it was more bearable now versus before.

Souji was mostly to thank for it. Yosuke couldn’t imagine his life without the guy. It was almost like he’d become his best friend from the moment he had opened up to him that day in the coffee shop.

So much so, that it made Yosuke fear such an attachment too.

He’d admitted to himself in the last month or so that the feelings that had grown for Souji weren’t just platonic anymore. They couldn’t be with how his heart fluttered at simple touches, and how often he just longed for Souji’s presence.

It’d been so long since he loved someone that he had almost forgotten what it felt like. But, Yosuke knew it was there. It terrified him in some ways, given he wasn’t even sure if Souji was interested. He’d picked up that Souji wasn’t entirely straight from how he spoke of exes in the past that were made up of both guys and girls.

Yosuke wasn’t even sure if Souji was dating anyone seriously. They’d only ever trailed on the subject a few times, but it was mostly out of fear of the answer that Yosuke never lingered on it. Subconsciously, he’d liked Souji for a while but only had started admitting it to himself lately.

So, lying on the couch that Friday night, he found himself beyond bored and staring at Souji’s contact information on his phone.

“I should just call him. He’d probably be fine with hanging out anyways, but I always call him I mean…he’s probably tired of me.” Yosuke talked himself in and then out of hitting _‘call’_ as his finger hovered over Souji’s name.

Letting out a sigh, he leaned up and headed into the kitchen instead.

“I’ve got it. I’ll just try to actually bake something for once and take it over to him! I kind of owe him anyways for often he cooks…” Yosuke mumbled out an excuse that made himself feel okay enough with the idea. At least he’d come baring goods so he wouldn’t feel completely lame for wanting to spend another night hanging out with Souji.

It took Yosuke two batches of cookies to finally feel okay enough with the outcome. They weren’t anywhere near perfect, but they were at least edible.

Putting the dozen or so cookies into a container, he grabbed his messenger bar with a pair of overnight clothes just in case he ended up crashing at Souji’s place.

It was nearly ten by the time he exited the subway and headed up to the street that Souji’s apartment was located at. Heading up to the building, he was lucky enough to be buzzed inside by one of the neighbors who recognized him from how often he visited.

Pulling out his phone, he was about to send a quick text to Souji in case he wasn’t able to hear when he’d be knocking on the door. He felt a little giddy to be able to hang out with him again but just as he reached the top of the stairs to where Souji’s apartment was—he froze mid-step.

“You had a nice time too right?”

Yosuke could hear the low conversation between Souji and a girl who was clearly _very_ interested in his best friend.

“It was nice yeah.” Souji muttered as he was leaned against the wall near the door of his apartment. The girl had brown hair that was tied up in pig-tails, and she looked oddly familiar somehow. The way she pressed up against him, nearly running her mouth against his made Yosuke feel out of place and like he shouldn’t be there at all.

“So…are you going to invite me in?”

“Well I-“

The sound of a phone going off made Yosuke’s heart stop. _‘Selfie’_ was echoing throughout the hallway as Yosuke quickly silenced the incoming call on his phone.

He wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He'd come back and kill Kanji though for changing his ringtone to such a stupid song.

Both Souji and the girl instantly looked over to where the sound was coming from, only to catch sight of Yosuke turning and running back the way he came.

“Who was that?” The girl looked confused just as Souji pulled away from her.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.” Souji instantly gave chase, not even giving the girl a second thought as he did so.

It wasn’t until he got outside of the apartment and a few blocks over that he caught up to Yosuke.

“Yosuke-Yosuke _wait_!”

Yosuke had only slowed down enough so that he didn’t miss the stairs leading down to the subway. “Sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I guess I should’ve called.” The brunet spat out while feeling mostly upset with himself. He walked right into that. He had no one to blame but himself.

It was also his fault that he hadn’t made his feelings known to Souji. Not that it mattered since the other was clearly interested in other people.

“You didn’t interrupt anything. Will you just stop and talk to me?” Souji reached out to grab Yosuke’s arm gently, his voice insisting that he do what he was asking of him.

“Didn’t interrupt anything? Are you _serious_? She was getting pretty cozy with you, and you were about to invite her in too right?” Yosuke stopped long enough to stare at Souji for a few seconds, having to tear his gaze back forward once more in fear that he might start crying in his anger.

“Why can’t you just tell me what’s really wrong? It can’t really bother you that I went out with someone can it?”

Yosuke laughed almost bitterly, looking up to the sky for a moment before turning around so fast it caught Souji off-guard. “Just stay away from me okay. Go share these with _her._ ” Yosuke shoved the container against Souji’s chest before heading down the stairs to the subway.

* * *

 

Once Yosuke got home, he found himself being dragged into the thoughts he had done so well to move away from in the past six months.

Sitting on the living room floor, he flipped through various albums holding memories with him, Chie, and all his friends from high school. Their yearbook was flipped open to a page showing Yosuke and Chie both in their basketball jerseys from a tournament they both went to.

“You’d always tell me to just go for it right? If I didn’t make my feelings known then no one would ever know how I really felt. Out of anything you ever said to me, I should have at least listened to that.” Yosuke stared up at the ceiling, trying to hold back from crying too much even though a few tears had already fallen.

So he’d lost Souji. It’d probably be too awkward to even go on the trip together now.

Everything would be too awkward now. Being friends wouldn’t work since Yosuke would probably just be too upset and angry to be around him for very long. Surely Souji had gone back to his apartment and was doing god knows what with that girl now.

It was fine though. Yosuke was used to being rejected. He was used to not getting what he wanted. It still didn’t help the amount of pain he already felt. Feeling like old wounds were being torn open once more, he found himself nearly sobbing as he laid his head on the edge of the table near him.

A knock on the door made him slowly lift his head and breathe in and then out.

He waited a minute until he heard the knock again.

It was probably just his neighbors. He hadn’t been crying that loud though had he?

Rising up from the floor, he wiped his face as best he could with his sleeve. He probably still looked like a wreck, but his ability to care at that moment was slim to none.

A quick twist of the doorknob allowed him to pull the door open to see no one but Souji standing there.

“Souji-what are you-“

He’d barely managed to get the words out, the anger filtering in as he spoke cut off just as quickly with how Souji moved into his personal space.

Souji ran his hands to cup Yosuke’s face, bringing their lips together in a soft yet demanding kiss. Every ounce of longing he had for Yosuke being put forth in moment and Yosuke could only let himself fall into the feeling as a few more tears fell.

Pulling back enough to speak against his lips, Souji stared at Yosuke intently.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just let me steal this moment with you… _live_ in this moment with me.”

Yosuke then felt himself succumbing to that request, pressing back into the deepening kiss that Souji gave him again. He gripped onto Souji’s arm, letting their bodies lean against one another in a way that felt all too right.

That night Yosuke experienced and understood the meaning of what love really is.

* * *

 

A week later, Yosuke found himself hand in hand with Souji as they departed the tram and headed out to their first of many sights they were going to see. 

Standing by a waterfall that was better known as Niagara Falls, Yosuke found himself staring up at the sky once more and thinking on things.

_Even though you’re no longer here, I know you can see me in this moment and you’re still here in my heart. You can feel the cool breeze, the drops of water that fall on my skin, and understand how this is such a beautiful place._

_I’ll take you everywhere I go. You’ll always be locked away in my heart._

Looking over his shoulder, Yosuke met grey eyes and saw how Souji smiled at him.

_You would’ve liked him too. He’s helped me in so many ways._

_I love you both so much._

With a map in hand, Souji held his hand out to Yosuke. “You ready to go?”

“Definitely.” Yosuke smiled while intertwining his hand with Souji’s, looking at the waterfall still as he did so.

_I won’t forget you. I’ll see you again someday._

 

_~ fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Drop a comment if you'd like, and kudos are always welcome.


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